punk wife mother buddha

Summary of Thoughts

2010-09-28T12:22:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been about five months since I posted last. Summer was nice to be with the kids, but it was hard too. I'm glad Ez is back in school. Makes the days less intense with the two kids not constantly going at it!

I'm really not sure what I am going to post about. Maybe it's more of a summary of the last few months. Who is interested? Who knows. Maybe no body but it's more of an assignment for me in order to process through to where my mind is today.

I survived another year without my father. Nine years, September 11th. It seems crazy that I can miss him so much even after all this time...

I have been feeling a sort of softening of my mind lately. Not a squishy thoughtless softening, but a path of less resistance. I still struggle with getting hooked into the battles of the ego but it feels easier to realize what is happening and then to let it go. For some reason, lately, when I see other's suffering and struggles, it has made me realize how fortunate my life is and that it doesn't have to be as hard as I make it out to be sometimes. Hopefully my heart will follow and it too will begin to soften. I would love to physically feel love bursting forth from body, moment to moment.

Is it bliss I want? I have had those moments of bliss, but they are temporary and I feel like I spend every day trying to get back there!

Redesign Complete!

2010-04-07T07:10:00.000-07:00

Finally! I have finished the redesign of my online portfolio/freelance site. Thanks to the husband for his critique and copy editing.

Bodhileaf Design

Almost Done?

2010-04-02T23:08:00.000-07:00

I think I am almost finished with redesigning my website. All I need is for my writer-husband to read through it to make sure all of the copy is typo free and grammatically correct! So far I am keeping within my timeline for launch this weekend!

World Autism Awareness Day

2010-04-02T10:53:00.000-07:00

Did you know that today is World Autism Awareness Day? Find out more about what you can do to help promote this important day by going onto their website and Facebook.

April Fool's Day!

2010-04-01T09:14:00.001-07:00

Everyone, watch your backs! hehe. Have a lovely day.

Logos

2010-04-01T09:10:00.000-07:00

I am currently working on designing a couple of logo examples for my new site. My goal is to have the new site up this weekend. **fingers crossed!!! **

Bodhileaf Design Redesign

2010-03-30T15:33:00.000-07:00

Since the two years that I originally launched Bodhileaf Design it has become painfully outdated. It originally started as a general online portfolio. Even though I have years of experience, I have not been very smart in keeping pieces of my work for show or they have not been portfolio pieces.

What's happened most recently is that I worked for a company that will not give me permission to publicly show the work that I did for them as an employee (make sure you get it written into your contract before hired). I feel like this has been a negative turn of events as I try to redesign my site in order to get more freelance work or a permanent job at another company.

But I refuse to dwell on the negative and so I trod onward.

I will select pieces from mockups I have created with edits so that my clients remain anonymous in keeping with confidentiality as well as some new pieces. It would be cool if anyone who reads this post offer a mock company for logo and/or web ideas.

Thoughtful Excerpt from Gates to Buddhist Practice by Chagdud Tulku

2009-11-20T08:37:00.000-08:00

'There was once a man who decided to keep track of his thoughts. This isn’t an easy process, for though one can be determined to watch one’s thoughts, many get away, coming and going without being noticed. Nevertheless, he put down a white stone for every virtuous thought, a black stone for every nonvirtuous one. At first this produced a huge pile of black stones, but as the years went by, the pile of black stones slowly became smaller while the white pile grew. That’s the kind of gradual progress we make with sincere effort. There is nothing flashy about the progress of the mind; it’s very measured and steady, requiring diligence, attentiveness, patience, and enthusiastic perseverance.'

2009-11-16T08:53:00.000-08:00

Typical Pacific Northwest weather. Cloudy, rainy, windy, grey and cold. Still, i am surprisingly happy; content and at peace with myself - finally.

With one exception...

Baths and showers all around. Baby girl, myself & ... the cats. yes, the cats. they need a flea shampoo bath. They get the flea drops and we have used the carpet spray from the vet, but they keep coming back. i'm not sure what to do short of getting rid of the cats.

Now for the rest of the story...

So the whole flea thing is not that big of a deal and isn't making my life miserable...it's just an irritation that i wanted to get out of the way... oh yes and my capital i still isn't working...as well as my capital y and delete button. at some point i will need to clean up the mess that was made. ok, done with the complaints for the day!

To do list for the day:

Baths
the usual household chores, i.e. laundry, dishes, vacuum
file my weekly unemployment claim
work on a design mockup for one of my projects

yes, sounds daunting doesn't it? Maybe i can get a little morning practice in too and coffee.

Knitting...

i need to finish the cotton wash cloth i started months ago. Then, i would like to start a new fun project like a hat and scarf for Lily.

i am still fighting the instant gratification need and so my project ideas are still of the small variety; children's sizes, hats, scarfs.

Spinning...

This is my secret hobby desire & want: to be at a weekend beach front cabin in the San Juan islands with a fire burning in the fireplace, toasty warm, and spinning luscious fibers to my heart's content whilst Ryan taps away at his keyboard, writing to his heart's content. oh, and there would need to be a yarn/spinning store within walking distance! and a local funky coffee shop!

Dharma...

Early yesterday morning, i was up before light and did 108 prostrations. it was the perfect way to start the day. it set my body and mind up perfectly for moving through the day with the right motivation.

Evening practice yesterday was a grounding way to begin the closing of the day and handling the chaos that typically ensues when Ezra comes home from his dad's and Lily hasn't seen her big brother all weekend.

Tonight, Red Tara tsok dedicated to Lama Gyatso & Dave Heinrich.

Tomorrow night, Red Tara tsok, in commemoration of H.E. Chagdud Rinpoche's parinirvana.

Busy week full of blessings.

Now on with the day!

Mind Purge & Cupcakes

2009-11-15T08:37:00.000-08:00

To start, i spilled coffee on my Macbook (actually it was my 2 year old, but that is neither here nor there), so some keys are not functioning properly. Like the capital i.

Be warned, this is more of a clumsy meander through an emotional zoo of many paths. So don't expect any of this to make sense!

i feel like i have been spending too much time on Facebook lately playing those stupid games, wasting my precious time away. ok, i'm not spending every waking moment on there, let me just make that clear. But enough, that i am noticing it.

one thing that i am missing is writing. i am currently unemployed and spend most of my free time trying to get side projects or work on my online portfolio, so i am not feeling as though i am allowed to have free time to write. i just don't have the time.

i also feel like when i do have free free-time, that i should be doing dharma practice. This is the most important thing i should be doing. it is the foundation for everything in my life. when i don't practice, the foundation begins to deteriorate and my monkey mind goes crazy and my relationships become strained.

When i practice, i am reminded of the vow i took with my root lamas: from now until samsara is emptied, i shall accomplish benefit and happiness for all sentient beings, each of who has been my mother.

This is the bodhisattva vow that all vajrayana practitioners take. unfortunately, due to obscurations like clouds in the sky of my mind i have not been very good at maintaining this vow.

i know for most, if any who even read this (i'm sure there are millions of you out there! Sarcasm ooze) you have no idea what i am talking about. that's ok. i think this is more of a 'processing' for myself than anything. i don't mind if others read this because maybe someone else is out there feeling the same way.

This year has been crazy for me. i was laid off from my job and a dear friend is gone. i think i am also going through perimenopause so my body is going through changes as well. Hot flashes are a bitch! as are the roller coaster rides of insanity. i can only hope that my family and friends are strong enough to ride through them with me.

Chocolate cupcakes are my friend!

Maybe i will end this post now, since i am not making any sense and i probably sound like a crazy person.

Sri K. Pattabhi Jois Passes

2009-05-20T13:06:00.000-07:00

The man was 93 yet I was stunned to see the BBC news headline Yoga pioneer Pattabhi Jois dies.

I have tried to practice yoga off and on for many years and my favorite style is ashtanga. Pattabhi Jois is Guruji, yoga master of ashtanga yoga. I always had a secret desire to go to Mysore and study with him. Ok, maybe it wasn't so secret. It was one of my "big ideas" a few years back - remember Leah?

It's so sad to see another great master pass on. Dispite all of my practice and teachings on impermenance it still knocks the wind out of my sails everytime. I feel like I am running out of time. These masters will not live forever. It reminds me of something that a teacher had said to me before, "Practice like your hair is on fire!"

Husband Proud

2009-04-02T15:29:00.001-07:00

I am so proud of my husband who has been working on a novel, a 20k word count so far. He has seriously pounded through a month of writing and established a writing discipline that should hold steady going forward. Each day he has written a minimum word count of 250/per day (I’m sure he’ll correct me if it’s wrong!) and on some days he has blown that word count to oblivion with 1k or more.

Considering the fact that he is juggling a young family & an unfulfilling job during this time, I feel like he has really taken on the challenge. We do not have a big house with a study sanctuary that he can run off to and I know that the chaos of having young kids at home can push a person to the brink of insanity, no matter how much you try to drown out the screaming of sibling rivalry.

I think about all of the things I would like to do but can’t keep focused long enough to accomplish them as well as being too exhausted to care enough to make it happen. Despite any obstacles that he may perceive laying before him, he presses onward toward his goal of writing a novel. This is why I am so proud of my husband, Ryan.

A Writer's Childhood

2009-03-10T08:20:00.000-07:00

Since my husband has gotten back into writing, he has inspired in me an old story that I have been contemplating writing. Yes, I write. I haven't done much if any since our daughter was born almost two years ago but I still have this idea for a story that I've had for many years.

Anyone who knows me personally knows that my mother is schizophrenic. Needless to say, this created a dramatic childhood to say the least.

I have two writing paths that I could go down.

The first path would be a focus on the 16 months that I lived in Fremont, California when I was 8-9 years old where I was a newly immigrated Canadian white kid trying to fit into the drama of a neighborhood of mixed race families and the torment that ensued when my mother went off her meds. It would be from a child's perspective geared toward the young reader set. I thought this would be a good area to write for considering the subject matter. I can bet there are probably a few kids out there who would end up relating to some of the humiliating events I experienced.

The second path would be a larger focus. Written for the older teen or adult reader in which the story spans my entire childhood including the time in Fremont, because trust me - there were plenty of awful moments on that roller coaster ride of mental illness. Including, but not exclusive to, the time my parents separated (the best time of my childhood) when I was about 13 or 14 and my mother was living with my Granny in Victoria, B.C. with my sister. Why my dad let my sister live with a mentally ill mother, I'll never know and since my father has passed away I will never get the answer anyway. One peaceful & happy evening my dad received a phone call from my uncle on my mom's side of the family informing him of my mother's arrest and charge of attempted murder and that he needed to come and get my sister right away (the worst time of my childhood).

Intrigued yet?

Anyway, this is the story idea that has been floating around in my head for years. I am not so self-absorbed that I think that my life is so interesting and that everyone will want to read about my life. My intention is to process through my childhood and make some sense of it, if any, and with the hope that it would help others out there who may have or are going through a similar experience.

I have come across a lot of reading material on adult children of alcoholics which were especially popular in the late 80's & early 90's but not much if anything at all on children of mentally ill parents. It's a topic that I think has been ignored for far too long.

94 Billion for Bikes!

2009-02-03T11:38:00.000-08:00

I know we are in a recession but honestly, the States need to step it up a bit. I read this article on Copenhagenize.com and I was very impressed. What is it about this country that has it falling way behind? Was it eight years of the Bush Administration? Let's hope that Obama can bring us to the forefront and actually create those "green" jobs.

Damien the Omen?

2008-10-02T15:51:00.001-07:00

All I have to say is: wow. I am sure this kid didn't choose his outfit but, that with the look on his face along with his name made me think of The Omen. Honestly Liz, what were you thinking? And what's with that hat!

*This is a photo of Elizabeth Hurley and her son Damien...yes, that's his real name.

Green Smoothies

2008-09-21T08:14:00.000-07:00

I have started making green smoothies. It started out with a powdered whole food shake packet I have had in my vitamin stash for over a year. I haven't felt "healthy" in a long time and I am gaining weight and have zero energy. It is time to do something different.

A friend of mine has been eating Raw for a while now and she looks so good. She looks vibrant and has lost weight. One of the things she told me she does is make a shake with tons of greens. This idea stuck in my head. I'm no dummy when it comes to nutrition, just lazy. So making green smoothies was a really great idea.

The other night I made up the powdered shake and gagged it down. It was powdered, what did I expect. Still, I was buzzing until midnight. I was alert, had energy, and kept my focus on knitting and conversation the entire time! This was great!

I thought I could buy more of the powder packets from the vitamin store or I could my own FRESH green shake - probably cheaper. So I picked up some kale, chard and spinach. I thought I'd make it like I would a regular smoothie so I also bought orange juice, bananas, and Greek honey yoghurt to throw in to balance the bitter greens with some sweetness.

It was so good. That was last night, and now this morning I am having another one. I figure I could have one green shake a day in order to get all of the vitamins, minerals and protiens I need for the day. Now I can eat the foods I usually eat that don't usually contain many green veggies and still feel great.

Spinning DragonFibers

2008-09-18T09:51:00.000-07:00

Last night I transferred the white Merino from the drop spindle to a bamboo knitting needle to hold for plying. I cracked open the DragonFibers targhee wool and begun spinning. This is only the second batch of wool I have spun in my life and it is really different from the Merino. The targhee is more course and in some ways easier to spin because it doesn't pull apart as much as the Merino. I can maintain a constant size with it than the Merino too. The Merino is so soft and slick that I was constantly having to stop and redraft and well, lets be honest, it's going to be a bulky yarn due to all of the irregularities in size. I love that kind of bulky, big knit yarn so I am happy with it and it will look so cool plied with the DragonFiber.

A friend gave me a huge bag of Corriedale which I can't wait to try and I bought some DragonFiber Blue-faced Leicester at the same time as the Targhee so I have a lot of different types of wool to experiment with and learn the differences. Fibers are so fun!

Gone Baby Gone

2008-09-18T08:10:00.000-07:00

A calm has washed over the Sanders household with the fairly swift eviction of the "neighbors from hell". I received the update at work from husband that yes, the psycho couple were moving boxes out of the apartment. It was actually happening.

I had my doubts. I'll believe it when I see it, I told my husband when we got word that our neighbors, who have been tormenting the complex with their public displays of aggression toward each other as well as their not so private fights and obnoxious middle of the night movie, music and sex blasting from the bedroom, had been given an eviction. It was little relief since I know how difficult it can be to get someone out if they decide not to leave.

Getting that call from my husband was the best news I could have heard. I was bordering on a breakdown with the stress of inconsiderate neighbors and the subsequent lack of sleep. My shoulders didn't tense up at the sound of stomping feet coming up the stairs to our joined entry because there was no stomping feet!!!!

No screams in the middle of the night, or loud music, or action movies played at a volume for the hard of hearing, no bodies being thrown about, or marathon sexcapades of the extremely vocal variety. Don't get me wrong, I am all for a round of crazy loud sex. Just not when its my neighbor next door and it's going on from midnight to 5am and it sounds like she is actually in pain.

I'll stop now. It's over. They are gone. I can't rehash the horrible memories anymore. It's time to move onward and enjoy the peace while we have it, because you know it's just a matter of time until new people move in. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that they are an old boring couple with cats!

The Resurgent Knitter

2008-09-14T14:17:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite past times is knitting. I will admit to not being very good but I am a little bit more than a beginner. My thing is that I like immediate gratification so I tend to lean toward the easier patterns and smaller projects like hats, scarves and big bulky knits for sweaters. The sooner I can see my results the happier I am. Maybe I have ADHD or something but I can get pretty bored with something very quickly if I have to do a stockinette stitch that goes on forever, like in the way of an adult sweater in worsted weight yarn on size 9US needles.

The last project I completed was about a year and a half ago. It was a boatneck sweater by Debbie Bliss for the baby I was expecting. It was a size 3-6 months, so it was small and knitted up fast. The challenging part was sewing the pieces together. I wasn't completely satisfied with it but it was cute.

Now that I am thinking about it, I think I did knit a couple of small scarves since then, but nothing to write home about.

A friend of mine has been knitting and spinning for a long time and one day she had come over with a small drop spindle and wool. I thought it was so cool! I wanted to do that too!

I was a student and single mom at the time so I didn't have the expendable income to blow on wool and a wooden drop spindle so it had to remain a yearning desire.

Jump forward several years and I decide to put a drop spindle, wool and a book on the subject onto my Amazon wishlist a few weeks before my birthday.

My friend and I always joked around about how no one ever gets you stuff from your wishlist. It was true. No one ever does. So when it was her birthday back in February, I was determined to get her something from her wishlist, and I did.

But I digress...

My friend comes over a couple of days before my birthday bearing gifts - even after I said no gifts. She hands me a cool bag from a local yarn store, Village Yarn & Tea.

Inside are several wrapped gifts and as I begin to unwrap them I realize that she had just given me things from my wishlist - a drop spindle, carded wool, and a book. As a bonus, she also put in some recycled sari silk yarn from Nepal. How cool is that? I was giddy like a child!

Another friend, the spinning friend, also came over and gave me yarn along with a pattern for a neck warmer. This was all I needed to get me back into knitting again after quite a long hiatus.

I am so thrilled to have my hobby back as well as a new one that compliment each other so perfectly. In between spinning wool, I knit my neck warmer. Which has cables, something I have never done so it is an especially fun challenge for me. Needless to say, I did end up having to frog the damn thing and start over! So I'm a bit rusty, I'm just warming up!

Thank you to my wonderful friends who know just the right things to enable me in my obsession of yarn and fiber.

Picture to Put a Smile On Your Face

2008-09-03T08:30:00.001-07:00

BBC News: In Pictures had this great photo that made me smile at 8:30am on humpday and felt like sharing.

Designer vs. Client Part II

2008-08-29T10:24:00.000-07:00

So my second to the last post was about my frustration with an in-house client and the struggle I am having in maintaining a professional, clean, and orderly redesign. Clip art and crappy logos are a thorn in my side at the moment. I was able to finally go back and rethink the design and with some inspiration from the zen of css design I was able to come up with something that I hope everyone will like.

I also felt an odd sense of relief knowing that what I am going through is a common thread for many designers. This article I read on Smashing Magazine was also quite helpful:

How-To: Fit a Circle Into a Square Hole

Monday Morning Rant

2008-08-25T08:33:00.000-07:00

I am so out of it today. Last night was a horrible night sleep with baby girl waking up what seemed like every hour. She has been out of sorts ever since we went camping. I don't know if it's coincidental but she seemed pretty unhappy when we were camping constantly whining and wanting to breastfeed.

Even after two weeks (going on three now), she is still pretty whiny. She's been sleeping a lot too. I am thinking that she is probably growing and teething at the same time. I know that she is probably in a lot of pain but it is hard on us too when we don't get any sleep and all we can do is give her Tylenol.

Our neighbors don't help either. I am getting pretty fed up with their b.s. Every week there is a fight with the woman throwing the man out. In the middle of the night we are woken by what sounds like bodies being slammed against the wall or floor. Stomping up and down the stairs, slamming of doors and the yelling and screaming. This also happens in the middle of the day like it did yesterday. My kids get to hear that and feel the negativity.

We moved out of a place because the walls were like paper and the neighbors upstairs would be awake 24/7 playing music, video games, movies, tapping, dropping stuff. It was constant, and when you have a baby that you are trying to get to sleep through the night, it doesn't really work. Especially when you are trying to sleep through the night and get woken up several times in one night.

So we move from the lower rent large apartment community to a smaller more expensive place in hopes that the type of people who could afford to live there would have a higher standard of living and basically be more respectful of their neighbors. But of course...we end up living next door to the crazy lady of the complex. It's our karma I guess.

I am just really upset that we have to live next to this woman and my kids are exposed to the sounds of the fighting. Last night I got so mad with the yelling and door slamming I just lost it myself and opened up the door at started yelling at her closed door saying WTF! I'm sick of their b.s. and slammed the door. After I did that I called up the manager and left a pissed off message. We've been putting up with this woman since we moved in. Never complained, came close to calling the police a few times. The first day we moved in there was a repo man asking US questions about the woman and telling us that he was going to repo her car. That was the first red flag.

Still, we put up with the fighting and the occasional sounds of them having sex because it really wasn't as bad as we had at the other place....but yesterday I finally reached my limit.

Sounds of movies, music and video games really aren't as destructive as hearing people not only verbally fighting all the time but physically fighting. I understand that people argue and have fights, but when you see a constant pattern that when certain conditions come together and you can count on it happening, I think it's time to make a change. That couple live for the pain it seems, they love to hate each other and all of the drama that it entails. Unfortunately it is a selfish way to live especially when you don't have respect for anyone at all, most importantly yourself.

My husband made a very good point. You can see how much they are suffering and it is really sad. It's like the snake eating it's own tail.

Being a Buddhist you would think that I would have more compassion and understanding for these people. I understand their suffering. I understand that they are grasping at anything just to be happy and ultimately it fails them. Life is suffering. I can only look at them like the Lamas look upon us students and feel sad for them that they are caught up in the cycle of suffering with no tools to help them. I think they are at a point where they wouldn't take the tools if they were handed to them.

I have tried to pray about it. Pray that their suffering ends positively. I know that we are connected to them karmicly and I can do my part by keeping my mouth shut in future and just pray for them. I just don't want my kids exposed to their negativity.

Anyway, that's my rant for the morning...

Oh did I mention that I was on auto-pilot this morning and spaced going to my departments off-site meeting near my house and drove down to work in rush hour traffic, not realizing what I had done until I pulled up into the parking lot and didn't see any of my coworker's cars anywhere!!! UGH!!!!!!

I'm beginning to really lose it I think...

Designer vs. Client

2008-08-14T09:33:00.000-07:00

I am sure that most web and graphic designers have to deal with clients who have horrible taste and don't like what you create. Even though what you created was clean, professional, user friendly, perfectly aligned and pleasing to look at. Yet, the client thought it was boring and that it needed some clip art and clutter. I wonder how other designers deal with creating projects that are hindered by a clients poor judgement and taste, yet create something that you as a designer can be proud of. As it stands, I am feeling held hostage by my hatred of a current website I am working on because it is so freaking ugly. I couldn't put it in my portfolio. Is that the kind of work I want out there? What does a designer do? Tell the client flat out that their taste sucks and refuse to create crap that looks like it was born out of the 90's "Welcome to My Website" era...all it needs is a little gaudy flash animation to top it off. How about some dancing hamsters that scroll across the top too! UGH...

Smarty Pants

2008-07-29T13:41:00.000-07:00

Georgetown, the forever up and coming district south of downtown Seattle, is dotted with gems as well as sourgrapes (remember CP Thai post).

I had happened upon a website for a funky restaurant in Georgetown named Smarty Pants. It's a bar that does lunch during the day and the menu of great sounding sammiches made it a must try. My coworkers had eaten there before and agreed that their sammiches were really good...and huge.

I went for lunch one afternoon with one of my coworkers ( the same person who experienced CP Thai with me) and it was busy. Loud punk music played happily in the background while an eclectic group of people chowed down on their lunch. Everyone from Polo wearing business guy to tattooed bass player dude filled Smarty Pants at lunch time.

The only table available was outside - it was cold. I put my hood up on my hoodie and grabbed a couple of menus while my coworker grabbed us a couple of glasses of water...it just seemed like the casual thing to do. Self serve anyone?

The servers were dressed in black with the studded motorcycle belt and boots. Mohawks hung wimpishly, probably from a heavy night of barhopping from the night before. And these were just the girls...The guys looked like they worked in an old school garage.

They took our order promptly then disappeared....

and disappeared...

was this going to be a repeat of CP Thai? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so I over react. It wasn't THAT bad. It did take quite a while to get our food but at least when it did arrive it was hot and so freakin tastey that it was worth the wait.

I can't remember what my coworker had but I had biscuits and gravy and it was really good. It was vegetarian with mushrooms (I'm not a fan), but it was ok, I just pushed them aside and ate the rest. Very tastey.

So we had a good lunch and went off around the opposite way from which we came to go around the other side of the block. There was a second hand shop that had some cute stuff outside and low and behold - what do they have outside? A vintage girl bike with a basket!!!!! I nearly wet myself. I thought, even if it's like $50 I'd call up my husband to see if I could buy it. I look at the price tag and my dreams were quickly dashed to the cracked Georgetown sidewalk. $375. For a rusty old bike. Give me a break.

I must have ADD or something...

Rigdzin Ling Trinity Alps Fire Update

2008-07-21T12:57:00.000-07:00

As most people know, California has been dealing with several wildfires. One in particular is of personal concern for me.

The North American seat of Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche, Rigdzin Ling, is in the Trinity Alps where there's a few fires burning.

Candy has been giving all of the affiliated centers regular updates including some photos which I will share in this blog. I think that it is important to share these images and story so I hope that Candy will approve. I am sure she has more on her mind than dealing with an email from me asking if it's ok.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

July 21, 2008

Dear sangha,

We awoke this morning to a crystal blue sky and no wind, very favorable conditions for this fire at the moment on our side of the ridge, allowing it to slowly move down the mountain. The fire fighters have bull dozed and cut a tapestry of fire breaks on our hill that encircles the Gonpa like a protection circle, and their hope is that the fire burns down to these breaks, leaving all structures intact and removing the fire fuel from the forest floor. The fire gently encircled one small cabin that was above the line and left it intact. Some of our staff was up there in the night and when they looked into the structure, they found a note that said something like, "We've done all we can. God bless."

I watched a fire crew from Montana walk up our hill a couple of hours ago, all in a perfectly straight line, dressed in bright yellow, wearing hardhats and carrying shovels, maddocks, and other tools. It would not have surprised me to hear, "Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's off to work we go." resounding in the air as they marched through the forest. It was quite a vision. I found this same group of fire men and women gathered in front of the prayer wheels last night at the end of a long day, wanting their pictures taken, so we obliged.

The helicopter that was flying yesterday has transmission problems we hear and is grounded at the moment which is quite unfortunate, as the fire the other side of the ridge from us is more active. I've been told that the turnaround time for this helicopter from one load of water to the next load of water was two minutes. They call that "cowboy flying." It was quite stunning to see.

I have included a few photos again and have sent them in a smaller file which might be easier to access. You can enlarge them on your end. It will help give a visual context of what we are seeing from the Gonpa.

These next days are quite crucial. They are not going to be so relaxed with people coming and going out of the area now. Please continue to pray for all the people and animals in Junction City and the neighboring forest.

Love,

Candy

Mandela

2008-07-18T09:50:00.000-07:00

Happy 90th birthday Nelson Mandela!

In His Own Words:

On reconciliation (on acceptance of the 1993 Nobel Peace Prize, shared with then President FW de Klerk):

"The value of our shared reward will and must be measured by the joyful peace which will triumph, because the common humanity that bonds both black and white into one human race, will have said to each one of us that we shall all live like the children of paradise...

"But there are still some within our country who wrongly believe they can make a contribution to the cause of justice and peace by clinging to the shibboleths [dogmas] that have been proved to spell nothing but disaster.

"It remains our hope that these, too, will be blessed with sufficient reason to realise that history will not be denied and that the new society cannot be created by reproducing the repugnant past, however refined or enticingly repackaged."

The Story of India

2008-07-15T12:26:00.000-07:00

This BBC documentary was one of the most in depth programs I have watched on a country in a long time, yet it was engaging and left me wanting more.

This six-part series detailed the 10,000 year history of India with amazing stories presented by Michael Wood and imagery like the Taj Mahal pictured to the left.

The explanation of India's diverse religious history from Brahman and Buddhism to Hindu, Muslim and Sikh was enlightening and gave me a better understanding of how these powerful religions dominated the country.

After thousands of years, India is finally coming of age as part of the technology era. There is a strange yet alluring balance of both old and new. The traditions are strong and deeply ingrained in the culture which, for a Westerner, totally fascinates me, yet India is quickly gaining as a tech super power in the world.

It is exciting to see how a culture can lovingly hold on to the past as they run towards the future with complete confidence.

Danish Cargo Bike Culture

2008-07-15T11:48:00.000-07:00

Zakkaliciousness has some great photo sets on Flickr, including the Copenhagen Cycle Chic and Danish Cargo Bike Culture sets that are used on the blogs Copenhagen Cycle Chic and Copenhagenize.

The thought of having a cargo bike to ride the kids around in only adds to my want of biking/living in a bike friendly Euro town like Copenhagen.

See what happens when I'm overly productive at work in the morning? I end up spending my afternoons dreaming of living in Copenhagen riding bikes!!!

I wonder how much a cargo bike costs....

Victoria Classic

2008-07-06T11:20:00.000-07:00

My latest obsession! Why are my tastes so expensive? I love the Velorbis Victoria Classic and I really want it. Do you want to know how much it costs? Are you sitting down?

$1749

With that little reality check I stopped to wonder if what I am obsessed with is the groovy cool bike or actually the idea of the bike.

In all reality, where am I going to ride it? Up Hwy 99 to Top Foods? Or around the corner to the 7-11? Because, even though I live in Edmonds, it's not like I live in the really cute downtown area let alone a sweet little village where I can joyfully ride along without a care in the world. Can you say "urban sprawl"? And then I'd have to spend 10 minutes locking the damn thing up so that no one steals it! UGH...

So now I dream of living in a European town where I can ride my Victoria Classic that I bought at The Dutch Bike Co. in Seattle and look like one of those fabulous Danish girls with wind in their blonde hair, in heels and a summer dress on their way to pick up flowers and lunch.

Good thing I am a Buddhist who realizes the impermanence and dream-like quality of reality (to a severly limited extent!!). Otherwise I would truly be suffering right about now!

So to be completely honest, I am perfectly happy where I am right now, it's just fun to indulge myself in the desire realm every so often. For my simple basic understanding is that it is ok to want or have really fabulous things. It's the level of attachment to the want of them that creates the suffering - Ah! Materialism, who'd have it!! I will! I will!

Copenhagen Cycle Chic

2008-06-19T15:12:00.000-07:00

Being that my dad was from Denmark and my first name is Danish, I love this blog. I want a bike with a basket!!

How cute is this girl on her bike!

Java Bean - Luna Park

2008-06-18T14:36:00.001-07:00

Starbucks? Na...
Tully's? Na...
Seattle's Best? Na...

The best coffee I have had to date is at Java Bean in West Seattle next to the Luna Park Cafe.

It was a "grande" (due to successful Starbucks terminology brainwashing) Cafe Molé. I know that probably just makes it a mocha but this was better than a mocha...it was a molé. Of course Mexican chocolate is to die for but honestly, the coffee flavor itself was so good that a plain old latte would have been just as good without any additional sugars.

As I am sipping my lovely Cafe Molé I turn to my coworker and wonder aloud, "why can't Starbucks make a coffee that tastes this flavorful?" and used the analogy of homemade cooking compared to fast food.

I think our society as a whole has lost their tastebuds to the numbing effects of a FAST FOOD NATION!

Celebrate Saga Dawa at Amrita

2008-06-17T08:41:00.000-07:00

Avalokiteshvara Tsok*
Wednesday, June 18th, 7pm

Saga is the name of this fourth lunar month. Dawa means "month" in
Tibetan. Saga Dawa is the month commemorating three main events in
Shakyamuni Buddha's life -- his birth, enlightenment, and parinirvana.
The full moon of Saga Dawa is the most auspicious day of this powerful month: All actions, both positive and negative are multiplied 10 million times. Please be aware of this.

On this day, Wednesday June 18th, 7pm, we will be offering tsok and lighting butterlamps. Whether or not you can attend this tsok you may offer butterlamps during this magnified time. Please use our online form www.amritaseattle.org, or call and leave a message at 206 368 7974, or reply to this email with your dedication.

Lamps are 50 cents apiece. Mail your offering to: Chagdud Gonpa Amrita, 2223 NE 137th Street, Seattle 98125. Please mark "butterlamps" on the subject line of your check.

For tsok, please arrive earlier than 7pm, if you, to help set up and prepare tsok and plan to spend a few minutes cleaning up afterwards. This would be both beneficial and meritorious.

Remember to park discreetly in the neighborhood and avoid parking on 23rd Place NE (east side of Gonpa) or across the street. Best to park at Bruce's on the east corner of 23rdNE and NE135th.

*empowerment is required.

Georgetown's Crappy Thai Place

2008-06-13T11:55:00.000-07:00

I found this image on http://www.foundshit.com/ and thought it summed up a recent experience a co-worker and I had at a Thai restaurant in Georgetown.

I was given a gift card for CP Thai and was really excited. It has been years since I ate out at a Thai restaurant, so I was really looking forward to it.

We were seated and our order taken promptly even though it was quite busy. Unfortunately, we were seated right next to the cashier's counter and I was quickly becoming claustrophobic as people began lining up to pay right next to me. Can you say "personal space" people! The woman who was cashiering was also one of two cooks and was having a hard time multi-tasking and so the line of people wanting to pay grew and grew.

As we were chattering away the sound of an Asian man's voice yelling in a foreign language, I'm guessing probably Thai, boomed from the kitchen and I think something crashed too. We looked at each other and I said, "I hope that wasn't over our Phad Thai." We laughed a little then continued on with our conversation.

Our chatter of work and personal events began to fill with moments of dead silence as we realized that it had been quite a while since the girl took our order. We glanced around the restaurant as everything seemed to come to a grinding halt. My co-worker looked at me and said, "Maybe it was over our Phad Thai."

It had been thirty minutes since we ordered and people were coming in after us with called in orders having to wait. People were leaving without paying or just plain leaving because no one came to take their order after waiting 15-20 minutes. Remember, this is a lunch hour on a weekday. People want to come in, eat and leave within an hour.

I finally had to get up and ask a server where our Phad Thai was and that we had been waiting for over 30 minutes for our food. The poor girl was flustered. We had over-heard that she was new so I tried to be as nice as possible under the circumstances. She had found our order and yes it was still there and that it was coming. Ok....

So we waited another 10 minutes and in the meantime more people were coming in. We felt it our duty to warn them that we had been waiting for our food for 40 minutes and that people had left without paying. These brave people decided to wait it out and see what happened.

FINALLY our food came and it was the palest looking Phad Thai I had ever seen in my life. I have had my myriad of orange colored Phad Thai but I had never seen one look this pale before. At least it was hot and had some flavor resembling Phad Thai. My co-worker said hers tasted funny - too vinegary. Which was weird. Mine was ok, kind of bland but not funny tasting.

Anywho, to make this painful experience short, the girl gave us the receipt tray with two fortune cookies on it but no receipt. Was that a sign?

I put down my gift card and my co-worker put down her cash anyway. Honestly, I was thinking that she shouldn't pay for hers at all.

An hour and 20 minutes later, we finally leave our unsatisfying Thai food experience behind us only to rehash the story over several times to anyone who would listen!

Lama Tsering in Wenatchee

2008-06-12T14:36:00.001-07:00

Finding Freedom in the Face of Social
and Emotional Turmoil
In these times of war, economic uncertainty and devastating environmental changes, how can we maintain our sanity?
How do Buddhist teachings on compassion and wisdom inform our choices and allow us to keep our hearts and minds open?

An Evening with Lama Tsering Everest

Tuesday, June 17th, 7pm - 9pm
Cascade Unitarian Universalist Fellowship
1550 Sunset Hwy, East Wenatchee
Suggested Donation: $20

Lama Tsering Everest is a Northwest native and resident Lama at Khadro Ling temple in Sao Paulo, Brazil. In 1981 she began translating for H.E. Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche, traveling extensively throughout the world. After completing the traditional 3 year retreat in 1995, she received full teaching transmission from Rinpoche, in which he also recognized her as an emanation of Tara.

Being in the presence of Lama Tsering is a remarkable gift. Her articulation of Buddhist wisdom reaches beyond religious designation, appealing to our common heart of compassion. She encourages us to go beyond narrow ideas and find what might be called "big mind", an approach to life that is inclusive and embracing. Her teachings are often humorous, profound, and filled with colorful stories.

Red Tara Empowerment and Teachings

Wednesday, June 18th, 6-9:30pm
program begins with Tara teachings followed by empowerment
Cascade Unitarian Universalist Fellowship
Suggested Donation: $20

Tara is the mother of all Buddhas. She represents the perfection of enlightened mind manifesting in feminine form. Countless eons ago, Princess Moon of Wisdom attained full realization. At that time, the monks considered the male body to be a superior vehicle for attaining enlightenment, and advised her to take rebirth accordingly. Moon of Wisdom, realizing all form, both male and female to have no inherent reality, made the commitment to always take rebirth in female form. Through practice of Red Tara, it becomes possible to reach a deep level of peace free of external circumstances increasing well being, quelling fear and anxiety, and ultimately revealing the true nature of mind.

For More Information, Please Contact Karen: 509-687-1911 or Sharon: 509-670-0883

**info copied from a flyer**

Cupcakes and Karmapas and Starbucks, Oh My!

2008-06-11T15:56:00.000-07:00

June 1st was truly an amazing day. Firstly, it was Baby's first birthday which we celebrated in the early afternoon with Cupcake Royale Babycakes and tea. Friends and family joined us for the occasion in which Baby received lovely gifts of clothing fit for a Fashionista. As well as books because my baby is an intelligent fashionista of course! Grandma also gave her a spinnie toy that thankfully has a shut off switch.

Secondly, once the birthday festivities came to an end, Baby and I had to ready ourselves for a once in a lifetime event (hopefully it will be more than once). We were going to a children's blessing by the 17th Karmapa in Seattle. A friend was so kind as to give us a spot for this event; I am not sure how to repay her.

We arrived at Nalanda Bodhi West and waited in the dining room that was packed with other parents and kids before heading up to the shrine room. The wait took a while because the Karmapa was being interviewed by PBS and they had to keep reshooting it because the parents and kids below were too noisy! How ironic. It was so hot in the dining room as well, with all of the people and no open windows for ventilation. I could tell my cheeks were red as I was beginning to sweat. How lovely I know, but I was burning up!

Finally the interview was done and we were all lead up to the shrine room. As we were making our way up the stairs, a person behind us was carrying a bouquet of flowers. He thought that Baby was so beautiful that he gave her one of the flowers that looked like a large white daisy.

Once we made it into the shrine room, we sat down on chairs and waited for the Karmapa to come out. I saw David Curtis who is a Tibetan translator and founder of The Tibetan Language Institute whom I met a few years ago at Tulku Sang-Ngak's land in Montana as well as having taken a Tibetan language class by him with some of my other sangha friends when he was in Seattle. We talked for a bit before the Karmapa finally came out.

I was in awe. I couldn't believe that I was in the presence of the 17th Karmapa. The announcer had said before he came out how it will all happen. The Karmapa will give the blessing and then after he leaves we can come up and take the blessed pouch and if we want to make an offering we can put it in a bowl. To use a British term, I thought that was a bit pants. But, I wasn't going to complain because my goodness, here I was in the presence of the Karmapa! Something I thought was not going to happen.

But as usual, impermanence reared its head and changed things up a bit. The Karmapa came out and sat down. He looked around then told us that he had talked too much already today (he had given teachings and an empowerment earlier in the day) and that it would be best if we came up to him and he would hand out the blessing pouches to each child. I was over the moon! I couldn't believe that we were actually going to be able to approach him and touch him! But as every good Buddhist knows, be prepared because anything could happen. And I was...

I pulled out my katag and the envelope with an offering inside and waited patiently for our turn. I held Baby in one arm while holding the offering and katag in the other hand. I was shaking.

Finally it was our turn. I walked us up to the Karmapa and he smiled as he gave Baby her blessing that she happily took from him. I gave him the offerings and he put the katag around my neck. Baby held up her flower to him and I put it in his hand which he gently held out on his lap. I gazed up at him and he looked at me as I smiled and slowly backed away to let the next person have their turn. I walked away sweaty and trembling like I had just run a marathon.

We returned to our chairs but remained standing until he gave the last blessing and left. I was blissed out - I'll never forget this day.

Luna Park Cafe

2008-05-23T13:29:00.000-07:00

It's eclectic, funky, and just a fun place to mix it up from the usual office humdrum. Their food is down home industrial size cooking that satisfies the comfort food craving. Besides, who doesn't love being served by beautifully tattooed girls?

The walls are covered in vintage memorabilia that distract the eye from your companions and the singing barmaid makes you look around in dismay wondering if it's for real or just some crazy person who came in off the street for lunch.

The history of the area is kind of interesting too. It used to be an amusement park, built in 1907 on the Duwamish tide flats and closed in 1913. If you want to learn more about the area and the cafe you can go to www.lunaparkcafe.com.

Secret Desire

2008-05-21T13:33:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to keep a lid on my secret obsession of late...I want a simple used manual film Nikon from like the 60's or 70's. I really miss my film camera that I gave to my sister after buying a digital one. Don't get me wrong, digital cameras definitely have their benefits, but I've been wanting to go old-school lately.

I keep thinking about when I took my photography class a couple of years ago and borrowed back my Canon Rebel from my sister and it was so much fun. I think I took my best photos ever during that time and since then I have really been missing it. It's only been this past week that I have really been secretly obsessing over where to buy a used camera. I know of several places like Kenmore Camera or Ballard Camera, the only real issue is that I don't want to spend the money! Why do hobbies have to cost so much?

Baby Feet

2008-05-21T10:46:00.000-07:00

So cute and adorable, you just want to gobble them up. Those little pink toes are so tempting to tickle. Sweet little baby feet toddling around the house, learning balance and grace. Oh how they look so innocent and sweet.

How is it that they can be so punishing in the middle of the night when they kick you in the head and chest as they spin around in circles as though attached to a Whirling Dervish.

Maybe it's time for baby to have her own bed...

The Karmapa Hits The Big Time!

2008-05-16T09:24:00.000-07:00

The 17th Karmapa has come to America for the first time and is making big news. How amazing is that? Who woulda thunk it. I have been practicing Tibetan Buddhism since the early 90's and I am so happy that such prominent teachers within my tradition are making such an impact on the western world. Maybe our karma is changing and the seeds that have been planted are finally flourishing.

Here are two stories that have made the news since the Karmapa's arrival:

NY Times: Young Spiritual Leader Arrives in New York Ready to Teach and Be Taught

Time magazine: The World's Next Top Lama

Boy that Time magazine article title is a bit too trash-tv for my taste.

Perks of the Job

2008-05-15T15:47:00.000-07:00

So while my last post was a bit of a whiny bitch rant about an irritating part of my job, I really can't complain too much because of days like today.

Once a week my department, which consists of 5 women - one is currently on maternity leave, has a standing meeting in the afternoon. Typically we have that meeting in one of the meeting rooms, but every so often we have an "off-site" meeting and go somewhere like Trophy Cupcakes and Party as we did today.

I had the triple chocolate cupcake and I have to say that it was better than Cupcake Royale. Not sure if I am changing my allegiance, because Cupcake Royale makes some damn good coffee, but strictly on cupcake alone - Trophy Cupcakes would win in a cupcake competition.

Websites & Their Owners

2008-05-14T10:45:00.000-07:00

I have been working at my company since the middle of February. My job is to help the one other web designer in developing websites for a number of enterprises that our company owns in order to get their info off of the main site in hopes that it will result in better SEO and to redesign the websites that already have independent sites (because they are horrendous in design!).

We have timelines, but no one involved in the enterprises seem to understand that. There is no sense of urgency with these people! Only one website has been launched since I started and that was almost done when I started. Two sites so far should have been launched months ago and only one is in the process of being launched today.

I am trying to keep a new website project on target but it's like pulling teeth trying to get approvals by the deadline! I suppose this is normal? I feel like I am getting behind, but it's not my fault!

The one nice thing is that hopefully I will have two sites launched this week that have been severely delayed due to other's slow approvals +other things out of my control!

Have you seen the price of gas?

2008-05-12T11:59:00.000-07:00

I don't usually like ranting about this kind of thing because honestly, I think we are the most spoilt nation on the planet but I am really getting fed up with the price of gas. Regular, the cheapest option, is now almost $4/gallon. The $200 a month that is coming out of my children's mouths is going into the oil company's record profits. This is wrong - plain and simple.

Do we not have a conscience anymore? It seems as though the divide is growing and our children are the ones who suffer it. The rich seem to be so checked-out living in their cushy plastic bubble that they can't truly see how us ordinary folk struggle just to get by.

I don't need a 5 bedroom house looking over the Puget Sound (though it would be nice), a simple 2 bedroom cottage would suffice. I don't need a slick sports car or a super SUV, just feeling like I can actually afford the scheduled maintenance on the used car I do have would suffice. Why shouldn't I be able to feed my family fresh organic food so we can be healthy instead of the cheap prepackaged meals that are full of hydrogenated oils, fructose corn syrup and enriched flour that make our kids obese.

I thought our government was supposed to speak for the people but I guess I am wrong. Let's hope that we make the right choice in November and begin to see a real change for the better.

A Little BSG Geekdom

2008-05-09T13:20:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while I reveal my true geeky nature...

BSG: Join The Fight

Pizza...

2008-04-25T18:04:00.000-07:00

Pizza round,
sauce with cheese

Pepperoni if you please

Ham and pineapple,
that's my favorite

Tasty yum isn't it

Burnt my mouth
happens every time

Now that skin hangs as I whine

I knew this would happen,
the things that i do.

And don't think you're better,
I'm as stupid as you.

We eat our pizza pie,
Burn our mouths and cry.

A society of lemmings,
Repeating these things.

It's all happened before, and will happen again.
We burn our 'ickle mouths, and make boys out of men.

Aspergers Syndrome

2007-11-13T11:45:00.000-08:00

Finally, after 3 years of aggressive outbursts, meltdowns, anxiety, and hyperfocused obsessions, we finally have the diagnosis that we have suspected for a long time. Aspergers Syndrome.

What is that you find yourself asking? It is on the Autism Spectrum, sometimes also called high-functioning Autism.

A child with Aspergers typically has an above average vocabulary and is of average-to-above average intelligence. If left alone in his room to play, Ezra could create very elaborate contraptions and Lego ships/vehicles/trebuchets and then show them to us and explain in just as elaborate vocabulary every detail to the point that when the shock wore off, we'd get bored!

I never thought that there was something wrong with Ezra until about three years ago when he was kicked out of daycare and then kindergarten. One part of me was happy that he didn't fit into the norm of children who had been in daycare since the age of 6 weeks. But when it became apparent that he couldn't deal with the activities that surrounded him and we as a family were being driven to the point of distruction, something had to be done.

Ezra was diagnosed with ADHD. This was a temporary relief. I was both depressed and relieved at this result and Ezra was put on the dreaded Ritalin. I felt like the worst mother EVER! Some of Ezra's symptoms decreased but it wasn't a cure all. In fact, the drugs did take the edge off, but Ezra lost his ambition and joy for being out and about, his enthusiasm for exploring. His sleep was messed up and he lost so much weight he was beginning to look like a Meth addict. On top of the side affects, Ezra was still being aggressive at school and have meltdowns in class. His anxiety level is off the chart prompting him to bolt from the classroom and run - teachers chasing close behind.

This was more than ADHD. Ryan and I both knew deep down that there was more to it. Ryan went online and did some research, finding information on Aspergers Syndrome that sounded EXACTLY like Ezra. We took our new information to the doctor to diagnosed Ezra with ADHD and he quickly shot down everything we said. Basically telling us that he is the expert in this field with all of the meetings he attends on this subject and Ezra is not Autistic. Of course the doctor took two hours to tell us that we were wrong and he was right, over and over. We were both fed up and decided that we were done with this guy.

We knew there was something more going on than just ADHD and with the negative side effects, I wanted him off of the medication. I am no stranger to alternative medicine and had did a google search on homeopathy and ADHD. My results turned up two doctors, a husband and wife team who are nationally and globally recognized for treating children with ADHD and other disorders. To keep it brief, we took him there and had great results, yet there were still those lingering issues as Ezra was still on the medication.

Finally, help was found in one of the more unexpected ways - public school. I say that because it seems typically that schools label boys as bullies or trouble makers and just ship them off to another school, or worse, kick them out. Ezra's school rallied around him. They did evaluations and had conferences with the intention of getting Ezra into a Special Ed program so that he can have help in class. The school psychologist gave us a card for ASTAR in downtown Seattle and told us that a friend of hers has a child with Autism and that ASTAR was an amazing help for her.

One day in May I drove Ezra and my past-due date pregnant self down to ASTAR for his initial intake then back a month later with newborn in tow for testing, it seemed like they thought he was displaying typical ADHD signs. I felt that they weren't seeing Ezra in all of his meltdown glory, they were not getting the full picture. Thankfully, the tester admitted that these tests showed the children at their best and that she would like to see him get mad. She wanted to do an in-school eval.

Months later, that eval was done and a report was sent out to me and the school. The tester from ASTAR said he is definitely on the Spectrum with Aspergers.

You would think that a parent would be sad at the diagnosis, but I have to say that I am thrilled to finally have a proper diagnosis so that now we can move forward with the appropriate methods in dealing with a child with Aspergers. It also allows us as parents to let go of a lot of frustration and anger that we have been carrying around wondering why our child does the things he does or doesn't do and to know that all those things that usually bring us to our own meltdown point are normal in the Asperger child and so we can give each other a bit of a break.

The next step is to educate ourselves so that we can help Ezra experience his world as a happy person and so that we can be a happy family. Bookstores here we come!!!

Full Moon Shenanigens

2007-09-28T12:32:00.000-07:00

I was in a car accident on Wednesday. I had just dropped my husband off at his workplace and I was going to run a few errands. I had baby in the backseat, in a car seat of course. I guess they call it a highway. Two lanes going in each direction with a turn lane in the middle. I was driving on the inside lane which was wide open. The outside lane was backed up with car waiting to turn right I suppose. One of the cars had waited to allow a car coming out of a parking lot to enter the roadway. Only problem is, she was trying to turn out to the turn lane which meant that she would have to cross my lane to get there. I saw her nose come out and I tried to stop and swerve to miss her but she gunned it and crashed into me. She took out the whole right side of my car from the front tire to the rear tire. I was knocked over into oncoming traffic, thankfully there was none. I prayed in that second for the car not to flip over. I seriously thought it was going to.

Once the car came to a stop, I looked back to make sure that baby was ok. At that time I wasn't sure where we had been hit and I dreaded the thought that we had been hit right where the baby was (She was on the passenger side of the rear seat). I looked back and there she was looking unfazed by what had just happened as her blue eyes beamed at me - she's so cute! Once I felt that she was ok, I pulled the car into an automotive shop that was right next to me and got out to assess the damage.

Cosmetically, it didn't look as bad as I thought it would and I thought I could drive it. A witness, a guy who worked at the automotive shop and saw everything happen, said there was no way I could drive it - look at the wheels, they are bowed out. Hmmmm......

Finally the police came and took a report and gave the other driver a citation. Thank god it wasn't my fault!!! This would be the second accident in less than a year - both not my fault! What the hell is going on???

It was pretty obvious who was at fault, although, the witness and his coworker both agreed that it was actually the person who allowed the other driver to enter the roadway's fault. It is against Washington State law to be on a roadway and stop to allow someone to enter the roadway from a parkinglot. That's my version of the law - if you want to know the offical law, look it up.

So both our cars were a complete wreak - no pun intended...ok, maybe a little - and our cars had to be towed. I got a rental car and had baby checked out by her pediatrician. She looks good. I'm still acking a bit but I think I'm more emotionally hurt than anything.

It's probably the combination of the stress of the accident on my body and mind as well as the scary realization that I could have lost my sweet baby in those few seconds. I am feeling extremely vulnerable right now and with my husband at work - it feels like he's there all the time now - I feel a little depressed. It makes me realize how precious life is and how it can be taken from you in an instant. So let's just say I'm still getting over the shock of the whole thing.

"Mediate"

Hallucinate
Dessegregate
Mediate
Alleviate
Try not to hate

Love your mate
Don't suffocate on your own hate
Designate your love as fate
A one world state
As human freight
The number eight
A white black state
A gentle trait
The broken crate
A heavy weight
Or just too late
Like pretty Kate has sex ornate
Now devastate
Appreciate
Depreciate
Fabricate
Emulate
The truth dilate
Special date
The animal we ate
Guilt debate
The edge serrate
A better rate
The youth irate
Deliberate

Fascinate
Deviate
Reinstate
Liberate
To moderate
Recreate
Or detonate
Annihiliate
Atomic fate

Mediate
Clear the state
Activate
Now radiate
A perfect state
Food on plate
Gravitate
The Earth's own weight
Designate your love as fate
At ninety-eight we all rotate

Hallucinate
Dessegregate
Mediate
Alleviate
Try not to hate

Love your mate
Don't suffocate on your own hate
Designate your love as fate
A one world state
As human freight
The number eight
A white black state
A gentle trait
The broken crate

A heavy weight
Or just too late
Like pretty Kate has sex ornate

Now devastate
Appreciate
Depreciate
Fabricate
Emulate
The truth dilate
Special date
The animals we ate
Guilt debate
The edge serrate
A better rate
The youth irate
Deliberate
Fascinate
Deviate
Reinstate

Liberate
Liberate
Liberate
Liberate

Survivor - China

2007-09-28T08:21:00.000-07:00

**My apologies in advance if this blog seems a bit fragmented - remember I'm a mom!!!! haha **

Like any good Buddhist, I like to waste my time watching tv. Usually it's stuff that exposes the sad pathetic shallow self centered world that we live in - like The Pickup Artist or Doctor 90210. I enjoy watching these programs almost as if I am studying the human condition! hahaha!

So this season, Fall 2007, I have begun to watch Survivor CHINA. Two tribes: Fei Long and Zhan Hu. We are two episodes in so far and I don't feel connected to any of the contestants yet. No one really stands out. They all seem the same and blend in to the scenery. With the usual bitching and whining one team is stronger than the other. I just like watching how people, even a survivor scenerio can still act like little children.

Zhan Hu tribe visited tribal council for the second time - yes, they are the week team. Last week they voted off the old hick named Chicken (he's a chicken farmer) and this week they voted off the pro wrestler Ashley. Too bad she was such a loud mouth, I was enjoying her the most and would have liked to have watched her through the series.

There was one challenge I was a bit taken aback by. In the second episode they were mud wrestling to get these two wooden balls to their respective goals....the survivors were ripping each others clothes off. WTF??? This is CBS not FOX or UPN right?

Well I guess they decided to make the challenges the characters instead of the actual survivors....good on ya.

What's It All About?

2007-09-24T20:40:00.000-07:00

They say write what you know. But what I've learned is that I don't know as much as I thought I did. It's a humbling realization. Granted I still like to think that I know a hell of a lot - it's an ego issue I suppose - one that plagues humans more than any other. And so here I go! Blogging for no one in particular except myself and maybe the amusement of my husband.

I think that everyone has a story to tell. We could all write a book about our lives or at least one specific moment in time, albeit some might need the help of a ghost writer! Since I am a mother of a seven year old and a three month old baby, I hardly find the time to brush my teeth let alone write a book, so here is my outlet - Blogger.com.

The title of my blog comes from different labels that I am familiar with and I suppose will be revealed through the blogging process. I guess I'm a walking contradiction or maybe more of a challenge to people's ordinary concepts. To use a label, I am a Buddhist. But to look at me, you would not think I was one. In fact, you'd probably think I was more of a heathen atheist with my fake red hair and tattoos that grace my limbs. I don't listen to Yanni or John Tesh. Give me Silversun Pickups or The White Stripes anyday. I love Bettie Page and all things pinup. My exterior does not represent what is going on in the interior.

Time permitting, I will attempt to blog about the many joys and struggles of being an unconventional wife, mother, and Buddhist.