Thoughtful Excerpt from Gates to Buddhist Practice by Chagdud Tulku

'There was once a man who decided to keep track of his thoughts. This isn’t an easy process, for though one can be determined to watch one’s thoughts, many get away, coming and going without being noticed. Nevertheless, he put down a white stone for every virtuous thought, a black stone for every nonvirtuous one. At first this produced a huge pile of black stones, but as the years went by, the pile of black stones slowly became smaller while the white pile grew. That’s the kind of gradual progress we make with sincere effort. There is nothing flashy about the progress of the mind; it’s very measured and steady, requiring diligence, attentiveness, patience, and enthusiastic perseverance.'

Typical Pacific Northwest weather. Cloudy, rainy, windy, grey and cold. Still, i am surprisingly happy; content and at peace with myself - finally.

With one exception...

Baths and showers all around. Baby girl, myself & ... the cats. yes, the cats. they need a flea shampoo bath. They get the flea drops and we have used the carpet spray from the vet, but they keep coming back. i'm not sure what to do short of getting rid of the cats.

Now for the rest of the story...

So the whole flea thing is not that big of a deal and isn't making my life miserable...it's just an irritation that i wanted to get out of the way... oh yes and my capital i still isn't working...as well as my capital y and delete button. at some point i will need to clean up the mess that was made. ok, done with the complaints for the day!

To do list for the day:

• Baths
• the usual household chores, i.e. laundry, dishes, vacuum
• file my weekly unemployment claim
• work on a design mockup for one of my projects

yes, sounds daunting doesn't it? Maybe i can get a little morning practice in too and coffee.

Knitting...

i need to finish the cotton wash cloth i started months ago. Then, i would like to start a new fun project like a hat and scarf for Lily.

i am still fighting the instant gratification need and so my project ideas are still of the small variety; children's sizes, hats, scarfs.

Spinning...

This is my secret hobby desire & want: to be at a weekend beach front cabin in the San Juan islands with a fire burning in the fireplace, toasty warm, and spinning luscious fibers to my heart's content whilst Ryan taps away at his keyboard, writing to his heart's content. oh, and there would need to be a yarn/spinning store within walking distance! and a local funky coffee shop!

Dharma...

Early yesterday morning, i was up before light and did 108 prostrations. it was the perfect way to start the day. it set my body and mind up perfectly for moving through the day with the right motivation.

Evening practice yesterday was a grounding way to begin the closing of the day and handling the chaos that typically ensues when Ezra comes home from his dad's and Lily hasn't seen her big brother all weekend.

Tonight, Red Tara tsok dedicated to Lama Gyatso & Dave Heinrich.

Tomorrow night, Red Tara tsok, in commemoration of H.E. Chagdud Rinpoche's parinirvana.

Busy week full of blessings.

Now on with the day!

Mind Purge & Cupcakes

To start, i spilled coffee on my Macbook (actually it was my 2 year old, but that is neither here nor there), so some keys are not functioning properly. Like the capital i.

Be warned, this is more of a clumsy meander through an emotional zoo of many paths. So don't expect any of this to make sense!

i feel like i have been spending too much time on Facebook lately playing those stupid games, wasting my precious time away. ok, i'm not spending every waking moment on there, let me just make that clear. But enough, that i am noticing it.

one thing that i am missing is writing. i am currently unemployed and spend most of my free time trying to get side projects or work on my online portfolio, so i am not feeling as though i am allowed to have free time to write. i just don't have the time.

i also feel like when i do have free free-time, that i should be doing dharma practice. This is the most important thing i should be doing. it is the foundation for everything in my life. when i don't practice, the foundation begins to deteriorate and my monkey mind goes crazy and my relationships become strained.

When i practice, i am reminded of the vow i took with my root lamas: from now until samsara is emptied, i shall accomplish benefit and happiness for all sentient beings, each of who has been my mother.

This is the bodhisattva vow that all vajrayana practitioners take. unfortunately, due to obscurations like clouds in the sky of my mind i have not been very good at maintaining this vow.

i know for most, if any who even read this (i'm sure there are millions of you out there! Sarcasm ooze) you have no idea what i am talking about. that's ok. i think this is more of a 'processing' for myself than anything. i don't mind if others read this because maybe someone else is out there feeling the same way.

This year has been crazy for me. i was laid off from my job and a dear friend is gone. i think i am also going through perimenopause so my body is going through changes as well. Hot flashes are a bitch! as are the roller coaster rides of insanity. i can only hope that my family and friends are strong enough to ride through them with me.

Chocolate cupcakes are my friend!

Maybe i will end this post now, since i am not making any sense and i probably sound like a crazy person.